clearing my mind

I sometimes wonder about meditation. Lots of people seem to find peace in it. My ex husband used to meditate all the time. Not that I’m all that inclined to want to do anything, really, that my ex husband used to do, besides, he used to envision himself floating up over the room and looking […]

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a place to belong

I was baptized when I was 26.  I was looking for something, and I thought I would find it in the Church. I was in a taxi going through Harlem on the way to the airport after spending a few days with a friend, and I remember seeing an abandoned cinema.  There was something in […]

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the magic of J

Words written for J upon his death, September 2008 The first thing J’s surfing coach ever told him was “learn to love your wipeouts”.  How appropriate!  Because that is the way J always lived his life.  He IS a survivor in the truest of ways.  When we first found out that he had cancer, we […]

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on losing Balto

This time it was for real. The other day had been a warning, though we hoped that the danger had gone away. When I saw the turtle floating on the water, completely motionless, refusing to respond to any of my prodding, I thought for sure he was dead. But luckily, by the time Nacho got […]

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on coming home

Revisiting the past is difficult. The untainted memories of yesterday can coexist with the grown up reality of today as long as the two don’t mix.  Sometimes, though, you have to go back to the past in order to continue to move through the present.  The journey back through time can shed new light on […]

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when you know she’s the one

It is strange to me when Marco asks if Daddy ever lived with us. And I have to remind myself that Daddy moved out when Marco was 1. Granted, he was just a few months away from his second birthday, but he was, in fact, only 1. And he is amazed to think that I […]

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when Insecurity comes around

I think I have spent most of my adult life trying to fight Insecurity.  But Insecurity is really just a terrified little girl who fears that people don’t hear her, understand her, like her, accept her, approve of her.  How can I fight that?  Insecurity is not bad, she’s just afraid.  She is afraid that […]

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spelling bee woes

My 9-year old came home yesterday with the Spelling Bee list.  The Good Old Fashioned Spelling Bee list.  Eleven pages of words – over 400 of them in total.  Oh, how I wanted to tell him not to do it, but he seemed so intent on it, I had to keep my mouth shut.  While […]

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lessons from emma

Emma hates it when I say this, but I used to want only boys. I never even thought about what it would be like to have a girl. I was the youngest in my family, and the only girl, and I thought I would know better what to do with boys. There was also the […]

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getting my head together

This morning I got an email from a colleague that said “Happy International Very Good Looking and Damn Smart Woman’s Day” to which I thought “right on!”  The message went on to list a number of sayings and quotes about women and life in general – “inside every old woman is a young woman asking […]

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